Nature versus Nurture: The Loner in your Family

Did you ever feel like a complete stranger in your own family? Do you sometimes feel like you don't know exactly how to be a part of a family? Do you feel anxious at family gatherings? That's the way I have felt most of my life.

Let me first say that my family is awesome. They love, support, and help each other all the time. They all have great lives and are wonderful people. I love them very much and am proud to be a part of them. This post is in no way a bad reflection on my family or how I was raised.

I had a great childhood. I always had most everything I wanted. I have two parents that worked hard to provide for us. I have a brother and sister that are much older than I am but only a year and a half apart in age to each other. Because of this difference, it really felt like I was an only child most of the time.

If you've read or watched TV about Nature versus Nurture in how humans develop, I can tell you that it totally depends on which is stronger. My family all like the same kind of music, dress in similar ways, have the same morals/values, same type of friends, eat the same kind of foods, and like the same kind of architecture. They love living in Tennessee and being part of a small town community. I never liked any of it. Growing up, I loved southern food, but hated country music. I felt like I was missing so much of the world because I was stuck in a small town in Tennessee. I never had the opportunity to be exposed to world cultures and other civilizations. I was surrounded by country music, pick up trucks, horse riding, and everybody knowing everyone else's business. Not a bad upbringing, but one I felt like an alien in.

I always had a dream to live in a big city. I liked different kinds of music that my parents and siblings just couldn't understand. I had a broader set of friends than was politically correct at those times. I was always different. I never had any long term friendships. I never had one true friend that I could rely on to not tell my secrets too.

My brother and sister were ultra popular in school and afterwards. They had many friends and loved to go out and party. I liked to stay by myself and usually was. Of course, there were times I went out to clubs or with a friend. But those were far and few in between.

I always tried to find a quiet spot during family gatherings and was always uncomfortable being around so many people. Most of my family never understood me and still don't. I know my choices in life probably hurt my parents and to some extent embarrassed them. I always wondered how many times did they ask themselves what they did wrong in raising me or why I am like I am. But it's not their fault. It's just the way I am. The way I'm wired.

I have a much more liberal way of thinking as well as a much broader acceptance for diversity. I am not a republican or a christian and I am very proud of that. I am very vocal in my beliefs and stand by them.

But why am I like I am? If I was raised completely opposite of how I think now, in an environment that tried to teach me a completely different way to live, how did I end up like I am? I blame it on nature.

It's just in my nature to be more of a loner. It's my nature to be more open and accepting of different lifestyles and cultures. It's in my nature to question theology and research the facts of history as we know them versus relying on faith to some mystical being. It's how I'm wired. It's how I was born.

My sister is a clone of my mom in many ways. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Not at all. They are both wonderful people, wives and mothers. They are always helping people out when needed, they work hard and they love their families very much. But our moral values are way different. My brother and my dad are very different but as my brother became older, he and my dad became closer. That never has happened to me with either one of my parents or siblings. I wish I could say that I had a real relationship with my sister or brother, but I honestly don't. I am envious people that have a close bond with their own brother or sister. You are very blessed if you do.

If you have a family member that you just can't figure out why they are weird or so different that your own family, please believe that it's not you. It's because their nature is stronger than the nurture they received. I'm not a doctor or psychologist, but I do have experience in this area. Love your family even if they are completely different than you. Respect them. Talk with them and encourage them. Never make them feel unwanted or forgotten.

I know that I will never have any type of relationship with my siblings other than the passing greeting or Hey, How are You conversation. I can't tell you how many years I dreamed that could change but I feel it's too late, but who knows? If you are in a similar situation, I urge you to reach out and hang on to your family. Never give up on them. While you may never understand or completely agree with them, remember that true love is unconditional.

Be Proud of Who You Are, But Don't Fear Change

Hi! My name is Tina Michelle and I have Epilepsy. You thought I was going to say something about alcohol, didn't you? At least, I got your attention! If you have ever read my previous posts or my other blog, bdsmunveiled.com, my Epilepsy will not come as a surprise to you. If you have never read my blogs and have no idea who I am, now you do!

I always try to look at the positive and bright side of things, even with my condition. I have had many really bad weeks with my Epilepsy, but always have tried to stay on the positive side. My partner, Marco, usually is with me the entire time and helps me laugh, feel safe and loved and sees me through all the symptoms that come up. At times, I become almost completely immobile for a couple of hours, until my body decided to restart again. He makes that very scary time, a place that could have easily been a black, dreary period, much more brighter.

When someone is completely helpless, defenseless, unable to move or speak, and barely able to think, that is a very scary position to be in. Many who have Epilepsy and other illnesses know this. Tonight's post is about being proud of who you are, no matter what conditions you have, what you look like, your personality, or anything else that is you. Just Be Proud of YOU!

I know that I have Epilepsy and that many people are either scared or weirded out by that fact. I know I am short. I know I am not a skinny woman. I know I am 42. I know I tell silly jokes and also have the wonder of a child when I watch cartoons (and yes I really do). But you know what? I am very proud of every facet of myself and my personality.

There are things that have changed in my thinking and beliefs over time because of experiences I've had and just because of life.  Change can be a good thing. Change does not mean that you are not proud of who and what you are, it just means that you are growing in a new way, a new phase of your life.

Many things have changed for me over the past few years. I moved from California to Italy. I became a blogger and realized a life-long dream of becoming a published author. I am living with the best man I have ever known, who has a very good heart and endless love for those close to him. I have grown more confident with myself and am utilizing skills I almost forgot I had. I have rediscovered myself.

The list I just mentioned are the biggest changes I've undergone. There are many small ones that I have made and continue to make in an effort to try and improve my knowledge of the world around me and to take better care of my health. I am experimenting with cooking and different genres of writing. I am constantly learning more Italian. I keep up with the latest technology as well as any new treatments that are published about Epilepsy. Am I bragging? Not at all. I am merely letting you know of how proud I am of my accomplishments.

Many of you may think you are very proud of yourselves as you are. But, do you ever think to yourself, 'Man, I hate my thighs. I hate how my ass looks. I hate how fat or skinny I am. I wish I were smarter. I wish I were....'

I used to do that exact same thing. I have learned over the past couple of years that I am the way I am and I am who I am and I really like who I am and what I look like. Of course, I am like every other female and question my partner with things like 'How does this look on me' and 'Do I really look that' kind of questions. I am lucky because he loves me as I am. He tells me if I want to change something, then change it. If not, be proud of what I look like and who I am. I have taken that lesson to heart and am now living it each and every day. This is one lesson that has made my life less complicated and even more enjoyable to live.

Remember, we are only on Earth for a short time and have only this one life to live. Don't live it with regrets, not loving yourself, always questioning your beliefs and changing yourself because you are trying to fit in with the current, most popular belief system.

Think your own original thoughts. Wear whatever style of fashion makes you feel good. Eat what you like. Be proud of every roll you have, every scar you bear, every rib that may show. If it bothers you, then exercise to take off some weight, eat more to cover up those ribs, or go to a dermatologist to get rid of the scars. But do not, I repeat, DO NOT put yourself down and hate who you are. Those kind of negative feelings will only hold you back from enjoying the good things in life.

Being proud of your self and your accomplishments does not mean you have an inflated ego nor does it mean you go around bragging. It just means that no matter what anyone says, you like what you see and who you are. We are always growing and changing throughout our lives, and you should be proud of that. Knowledge and change are the flavors of life. If we don't grow and change with time and knowledge, then we will forever be stuck in a circle instead of following the many beautiful paths that life has to offer.

Always remember, look in that mirror every morning and tell yourself, 'I love me. I am beautiful. I am proud of me.' If you need to, say it all day every day until you start to believe it. Because you are a good person. You are worthy. You are smart. You are beautiful. You are the only you, so you are wonderful and unique.

ENJOY YOUR LIFE AND LIVE IT PROUDLY!

Do You Still Believe in Hope?

Do you still believe in Hope? I hope so, because I do. Many of us in today's upside down, crazy, scary world are living on hope alone. We strive to make our slice of the world better every day with just one step at a time, not only for ourselves but for the ones we love as well. Are you one of those people?

Many of you are in a circle or holding pattern in life right now, due to work situations, money, the economy, family issues, etc. You can't see an end because you continue to go around in circles, ending up back in the same spot you are currently in. Taking steps, even very small ones, can help change that and get you back on the correct path. By following a few key steps, and keeping them clearly defined, you can reach your goal and change how you live your life.

Here is a very loose guideline that I try and use for myself. I hope you can adjust it to your own life.

1. Think large and outside the box!

Ok, I know this might be cliché, but it is true! If you set a large goal that is reachable in real life, not something absolutely impossible, and take the steps, even small ones to reach it, you can achieve it! Thinking slightly differently or outside the box, but not in a completely radicle way, can greatly improve or change your path in life also.


2. Put aside petty issues, negative thoughts, and negative people!

Don't sweat the small stuff. Keep your thoughts OFF those things and people that you can not change. You are wasting valuable brain power and time on negative thoughts. If you always stay in the negative, you can not go foward and will never be on that positive path to a better life. Negativity from many sources around us, including people and places, impact our daily lives much more than we usually realize. Take the time to clean up the negative and replace with positive.


3. Positive Attitude!

A big portion of changing ones life and creating a path you really want to be on, is about attitude. Keep only a positive attitude from this point forward! Never give up or give in. This is a lot harder than it sounds. I know from experience! I am usually a very positive person but I do have my moments in which negative thoughts try to pull me into that dark void. Keep as many negative people out of your lives as possible. If you can't ignore or cut loose the negative people, then make an effort to be even more positive around them. Maybe your positiveness will rub off on them!


4. Keep your clearly defined goal in your mind at all times.

This can be very hard. I know because it is for me. But, once you have it in there, don't let anyone or anything persuade you from reaching it. It may, and most likely will, take time and A LOT of hard work, but it is still your goal. No matter what it is, go for it! Make everything you do everyday, in some way, related to reaching your goal, your dream. Train your thoughts to be something like: That first cup of coffee helps you wake up so you can begin your day and start getting closer to your ultimate goal. That morning shower helps you get ready to face the day and be your best for whatever tasks you set out to accomplish that day. Relating little everyday things can help you focus your mind on your goal.


5. Rely on a special loved one that will and can help you reach your dreams and goals.

I am extremely lucky because I am blessed with a fantastically positive, outgoing, smart, very loving and supportive person in my life that encourages me, helps me, and gives me the confidence to reach for the stars. He has inspired me to do many things that I never thought I would ever be able to do for one reason or another. He is my rock and my safe haven. He guides me when I ask, advices me when needed, and lets me fly free when I want to. If you have someone that you can rely on to be your rock, grab on to them and share every dream you have. That one person might make the difference in your own life and how and if you attain your dreams.

Don't let the nay sayers around you influence you. If that had happened, Apple would not be what it is today. I'm not saying that you will be the next best inventor in the world, but who knows? It could happen.


Keep your mind clear and positive! And above all, dare to Hope!

Really Living Life - Not Just Existing

You all know I have Epilepsy and have been pretty open with the sometimes daily struggles that I deal with because of it. Well, this past week has been, for lack of better terminology, a bitch! I have suffered from many different side affects of my Epilepsy and have not been able to perform many of my normal functions. That's one reason the blog posts have not been as frequent as they were in the beginning.

I will be doing well, then boom! My speech gets slurred, my arm starts jerking and off I go into another attack! Now, of course, I get frustrated and annoyed, but what can I do? Not a darn thing. I just have to wait it out. Padrone tells me to don't worry, clear my mind and to not get frustrated. He held me for a long time until my seizure subsided and I fell asleep. Now, this is not a cure, but it helps tremendously. Obviously, there is no cure currently for Epilepsy and the weird type I have doesn't respond to any medicines currently on the market.

While I do hate having Epilepsy and dealing with attacks and side affects, it has given me a different perspective and appreciation for life. I know the value of family and true friendships. I love to be held and feel protected and not judged by Padrone. I know the value of seeing the sun rise again and the moon set. I appreciate the nature I see around me and the seasons of change that I keep experiencing. I love the sound of birds chirping in the morning, dogs playing, and children laughing. I love seeing elderly people walking and talking in the park or seeing families having breakfast together at a coffee bar. I simply appreciate Life and all it has to offer.

Now you might be thinking I sound like some kind of New Age Hippie or just a weirdo. I am neither. I am just a simple person that has experienced many things in my life that has shaped who I am and changed my beliefs over time. I know most of you are telling yourselves that you appreciate life and things around you also. That you already like the simple things in your own lives. But have you really slowed down to appreciate it? When was the last time you stopped to watch the sun set or rise? When was the last time you stepped outside to stare at the moon and gaze at the stars? When was the last time you stopped whatever you were doing, even if just for a few minutes, on a warm, windy day just to feel the wind brush against your skin and clothes? When was the last time you were out and came across flowers that were so beautiful and colorful that you had to stop and sniff or snap a picture with your cell phone? When was the last time you just took a couple of hours for yourself or yourself and loved ones to sit in a park and appreciate the nature around you or watch the people and animals teaming with life? This is what I mean when I say appreciate the simpler things life has to offer.

Most of us are to busy trying to keep up with our neighbors, buy the newest gadget, make deadlines for work or school, keep up with family projects and chores, and so many other things that are too many to name. We are too busy to realize that we have complicated our lives so much, with living them daily and running to keep up with the rat race that we don't slow down to appreciate what is around us, the very basis of life, the simple things. We let life run us and then before you know it, a week, month and perhaps a year has passed right before our eyes. All while we have been so busy with 'living' but not really living.

How can we say we are living our lives to the fullest if we are not grateful for every sunrise and sunset? How are we able to say that we appreciate life if we don't stop every now and then to just be; to just sit still, take a break from the fast paced, daily grind of life and just think nothing? I know it's hard to find time because we all have many things we do, almost 24 hours a day. We all have commitments, work, families, friends, school, etc etc etc.... Do you see a pattern to this yet? If you don't force yourself to take even 5 minutes a day, out of your crazy busy schedule, how can you say you really appreciate what life has to offer you because you are too busy living it?

So, I encourage and challenge each one of you to slow down once during the day and just sit for 5 minutes gazing out of the window. Take a walk through the park at lunch. If its rainy, cold, icky, or you just don't like outdoors, go to a mall or cafeteria and people watch. Enjoy the laughter around you. Just try to enjoy life and not to just live it. There is so much more to life than that.

Always remember to love deeply and truly, live fully and take risks. You never know what path your life could take.